When I was a kid, I used to hear people say that true friends are really hard to find. I used to wonder why..!
I had a lot of friends in school and later on, college. I had a 'gang' and to me they meant the world. I knew everybody inside out. I am a leo and therefore fiercely loyal. I expected nothing less from the people I called friends.
I was too naive to understand the true meaning of friendship..too young to understand that every relationship is complicated and needs effort in order to be maintained.
The first time I realized this was when I was around 24.
I had just graduated with a Masters degree. I was looking for a job during the financial meltdown which was obviously very stressful. I was in the States on a visa so I needed a job pretty quickly or I would have to leave the country. This caused me immense stress at that time because I equated going back home empty handed to being a loser. I was determined not to be one.
During all this I knew I could count on one thing. My friends. I knew they would always be there for me. They were, afterall, my extended family.
Needless to say, my bubble was burst pretty quickly. People had moved on..they either had jobs, or girlfriends or other more important friends. I was told I wasn't trying hard enough to find a job, I had no interview skills and essentially that I needed to grow up and get a life.
I don't think I can accurately describe the pain I went through during this period. It had me questioning my belief that people were inherently nice. I felt like an idiot for not having realized their true colors.
I am not lying the blame squarely on others. I know I can be pretty rough in the way I say things when I am mad. I can be pretty honest and not everyone takes kindly to it. But aren't friends supposed to love you despite all that?
With a few people I made a lot of effort. I called them every week in the hope that may be, just may be, they will realize that I still care about them. And may be someday we can again share a cordial relationship. My calls, most of the time, were never answered. I would always hear excuses about how busy they are. After a few years, I finally gave up. I had endured enough heartbreak. It's time to stop hurting myself.
All this has only made me realize how much I should cherish the friends I still have left. I don't see them or talk to them everyday but I know they are just a message away. I cherish that. I've realized it's not easy to find people that a) have common sense b) know and like you (inspite of you being you) c) that I can have a conversation with d) are there for you.
It's about time I thanked them.
Vinod, Sarvani, Savitha, Keerthi, Swapna and Murali - thank you!
I hope life does not screw up what we have! Amen!!
